DM's Dwelling

BETSY!

2010-09-07T15:05:00.000-07:00

Check her out:

'Imi Na'auao Scholarship

2010-07-13T21:23:00.000-07:00

So after almost $50,000 of scholarship aid from Kamehameha for my undergraduate degree, they have stopped helping me.

I was not awarded with the $15,000 'Imi Na'auao graduate school scholarship for my program next year. Now I am taking out $20,000 of students loans JUST for this year.

EFF.

...I dont care though, no one will stop me from being what I want to be.

Birthday

2010-01-26T00:46:00.001-08:00

It is almost my birthday...

...and I do not care.

Sweet deals, eh?

Airlines Flop

2010-01-13T00:05:00.001-08:00

After 15 hours of total traveling, I had finally arrived in Portland Airport.

My initial flight out of Honolulu was approximately 2PM on Thursday afternoon. I boarded like usual saying my goodbyes via text messages. Just as I hermetically fluffed my pillow and shrugged my head back, the plane suddenly stopped mid take-off. I was startled and looked around. The Captain spoke on the speaker system to tell us there was a problem with the right engine of the plane. We spent a good 1.5 hours checking it out and seeing if it was not as serious of a malfunction as thought on the tarmac. Eventually we were sent back to the terminal and let back into the gate where we spent another 6.5 hours waiting for the repairs. I was given a $10 food voucher in an airport where meals cost about $12. Sweet. At about 8PM we re-boarded the once sully of a plane and slaked our travel anticipation.

I arrived in Seattle's airport around 4:30 AM. We were given new connecting flights because my original connecting flight was scheduled for 11PM local time. Go figure. I was given a $5 food voucher, which my frugality splurged at the sight of Qdoba breakfast burrito. I then boarded my connecting flight at 6AM and flew back to PDX. I got in at approximately 6:45. Got off the place and went to baggage claim. There were about four of us waiting for bags that had flown all the way from Honolulu. I waited and waited. And waited... Eventually my ride, Adrian, arrived and I told him the situation. I quickly went to the Horizon baggage office and discovered that my luggage had not made the correct connecting flight and I would not be taking it home at the moment.

Needless to say, I was pissed.

So, I put my lost baggage claim in and left. At about 12:30PM the same day I got a phone call from a very boor Mexican saying they had dropped off my luggage with Campus Public Security - the day was mine!

Today, I received notification from my mother that for my delayed flight and troubles, I was given a $200 flight voucher from Northwest Airlines. Thank the Lord, cause that's the ONLY way I'm flying with them again!!!

I would have died without my items of Volcom origin.

Back In It

2009-12-30T15:53:00.001-08:00

What's good ya'll?

It has been quite some time since I have posted last. A lot of things have changed. Almost done with my undergraduate college experience in Oregon - it hasn't REALLY hit me yet. But, I give it about 2 months and when I start writing the results for my thesis study I'll be crying (kidding). There is too much to talk about to keep you updated on my life so I'll stick to a concerning issue that recently has been ameliorated.

What to do after graduation???

Well, I have a few options, three to be specific:

First, return home to Hawai'i upon graduating. Move back into my families house. Go to graduate school at either the University of Hawai'i or Hawai'i Pacific University for a masters in communication. I would take out a loan to get my OWN vehicle because living at home and sharing a car is tough and inefficient. I would have to find a part time job, and I am not sure where I could do that... Maybe I could work at Town and Country again? Probably not, but we'll see. It would be comfortable yet smothering.

Second, stay in Oregon to pursue work. I could potentially have a job in the University Relations department of Pacific University. It would be a very good job to achieve experience in a good field of managerial and administrative higher education. It pays well and would be cool to stick around in Oregon. I do enjoy Oregon very much so. I would also most likely help volunteer coach for the Pacific Forensics team. It would be comfortable yet productive because I would be gaining lots of quality work experience. It would disallow me from pursuing graduate school for a year or few. I would be very much gaining independence and it would be a good learning experience. However, the likelihood of me getting that job is diminishing greatly. Although, I do have potential job opportunities otherwise in Oregon.

Third, move to California to go to graduate school for a masters in communication at California State University Long Beach. This is likely my first choice because of the attractiveness of the benefits. If I were to pursue this option I would be taking graduate classes, teaching with a graduate assistantship and receiving a significant stipend, and coaching with a graduate assistantship the CSU LB forensics team (which would be sweet!). Additionally, my mom's sister lives in Long Beach and I would have family close by to help when I needed it. I also have another aunt that lives in West Lake Village. Going to school in California would allow me to get closer with my family in California. This opportunity would be the option that would provide the highest potential growth for me. This is true because I would be living alone, working, going to school, coaching, and being in a new state that I am unfamiliar with (although I would have family there). I am starting value this option significantly more than working in Oregon.

What do you all think?

I may sometimes bend but only as not to break

2008-08-31T03:14:00.000-07:00

it's 3:16 AM. I was drunk earlier. I can't sleep. Everything is running through my head now...
I want to be at home in the ocean on my surfboard...
I am disappointed in what I am doing now...
I just want to run...
I feel like everyone has something, and right now I have nothing

shitty deals, but you gotta deal.

But how?

????

2008-07-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

What do you do?

When you find someone who is interested in you and feels like a carbon copy of you.
When this person is already so involved in the things you're so involved by.
When you know that they are into you already.
When you think that this person could better you life as well as you bettering theirs.
When she is probably the most beautiful and cool girl that has ever even had an inkling of interest in you.
When these types of opportunities don't come around all the time.
When she is a long-term type of girl and you have been looking for something like that all your life.
When, all of a sudden, you and her realize, you're going back to Oregon.

What do you do?

summer lovin'

2008-07-03T00:11:00.000-07:00

So summer is half over. What have accomplished so far? Not much to be honest. I recently found out that I have a stress fracture in my right shin, which means that I am not allowed to run for 8-12 weeks and thus can't run cross country next season at school. Wow, it'll be the first cross country season I didn't train for/run. Crazy.

Since I can't run, i've been surfing - a LOT. So, I am pretty dark right now. It's nice. I miss being dark all the time. AND not only am I using my running time to surf, but I am lifting a lot of weights to get BUFF. HAH, yeah right. I am just getting toned, hopefully.

My family got new leather furniture. It's pretty sweet. But, it is different. We haven't had new furniture for years. And when I say years I mean my whole life. Sad eh?

I am not working, because my surf store hates long haired Hawaiians. Josh isn't working there either. But, I will be starting summer school at a community college on monday. I'll be taking Hawaiian language 102 - then i'll be done with language credits woohoo!!!

The one thing that has been positively consistent this summer is my learning how to make Hawaiian crafts. And if you're wondering what the hell I am talking about, look at these pictures!!

running and running and running running

2008-05-07T14:53:00.001-07:00

Meh...

2008-04-13T13:09:00.000-07:00

I believe in KISS-Keep It Simple Stupid. So, this post will hopefully reflect that, kissing if you will.

Track: This year, i've run track, which is a good thing. However, me missing 2 weeks of practice kind of messed things up with my progress. I haven't been able to run better than I have in high school my senior year-ugh. And I didn't qualify for the conference meet this next week-bleh. But I will still run at the May 2nd Twilight Meet here at Pacific. It'll be great! So you all should come watch me run slow, again.

Lu'au: It's done. Thank the lord. It seriously was messing up my scholastics, sleep, running, and more. This past week was horrible. I didn't get any sleep and I wasn't able to do homework. I am so tired from it. But, it was SUCH a good show. There were no major mess-ups. It ran smoothly and everyone loved it. The after-parties and post-lu'au festivities were not up to par I would say. I didn't really have fun afterwards. But, whatever.

Now: All I have to do now is work on the SHIT load of homework I have for the remainder of the semester. I am REALLY excited to be an ambassador because 1) it'll be fun, 2) there's a girl in it who is interested in me, 3) it'll be FUN:). Well, I am done. So, bye.

Blog Of A Top-12 International Persuasive Speaker

2008-03-26T23:27:00.000-07:00

After watching an entire season of the office in a single day because of my extreme case of laziness/boredom, I have determined that one of my TOP favorite quotes from it is:

I think there is such a thing as good grief, just ask Charlie Brown.

That one got me. OH, and how everything Kevin says is pretty darn funny... "I am HERO" Har har.

So, anyways, London was M-A-zing. To say the least. IFA was pretty cool, the kids were ok, the competition was decently hard. I could have made it to finals though, it's all gross NWC judge's fault, you all know who I am talking about, well most of you. Wicked was WICKED, thanks D-koz. I had a good time hanging out with the cool clark girls. Tom, josh, and I are renowned London tourists, just consult our street crossing skills.

Spring break is gay as shit. I have done a lot of a few things: facebook, AIM, watch the office, run, watch TV, play video games, and think about doing homework. I have so much homework from missing a week of class, and I looked at it tonight and I pretty much don't understand any of it because I missed that week - lame eh?

Well, im back from my gay-cation and its back to life at Pacific, OH and i got hired on spot for ambassadors, they liked what they saw, im a hard worker - that's what she said!

Pre-London Thoughts

2008-03-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

Posting on here has become minimal for me as of late. But, I thought i'd write some pre-london ideas down.

So, I just bought a really nice digital camera online, which will come in tomorrow just in time to go to london, for the trip. So, I'll have lots of pictures to put on here as well as on Facebook!!!

Here are some goals of mine for London:
1) Break in Persuasive
2) Relax!!!
3) Run/work out every day (so I don't get out of track shape that I am in now)
4) Have positive interaction with other competitors from the tournament
5) Party like a rockstar in London
6) Get a British accent
7) Find some foreign girls to party with!

Shallow, slightly. Ambitious, very. Hopeful, oh yes!

STRESS

2008-02-14T10:12:00.000-08:00

I am stressing like no other right now.

New DUO to memorize and stuff
Internationals coming up
International Econ with Ruder >:-(
RHA
Track meets coming up

AHHHH
I hate this right now. im so stressed right now. I wake up for class at 8 AM everyday and i go to sleep around 1-2. I don't have any sleep, and im so busy during the day. i don't know what to do anymore...

Last Day

2008-01-14T21:16:00.000-08:00

So here's the scene of my last dinner in Hawai'i until summer. My family and I went to dinner at a local restaurant. Here's how one conversation went:

Mom: "So, are you going to bring home any Swedish women this next year?"

Brother: "No! I am not into white women."

Me: "I wish there were Swede chicks at my school. I would be all over that! I would be like, 'Bonjour!'"

Dad: "I didn't know you knew Spanish..."

Yes, my abs were sore from laughing so much at the "Office" moment that my family had. Well, back to school tomorrow. See you there.

First Post of 2008, Cool.

2008-01-04T02:33:00.000-08:00

I would like all your opinions on the following situation:

In a dorm room there are persons: A, B, C, D, E, and F

Here's the situation...
One day F is cook salmon on the stove and he burns it so the fire alarms in the whole house go off. D and E tell F to call CPS to disarm the alarms like you're supposed to! F is ignorant, selfish, immature, and egocentric and thinks that's stupid and pulls out the blaring alarms to make them stop. So, he then places a certain alarm in spot X. F doesn't replace the alarm after the smoke from his stink ass burnt salmon subsides. SOO, after time goes by, it's the last week of school. A, B, C, D, E, F get an email saying their rooms are going to be checked to make sure everything is okay. They all scramble to replace all the fire alarms. However, there is one missing. The fire alarm that F placed in spot X is gone. Winter break goes by. All of the roommates get an email saying they will ALL be charged for the missing alarm and the service charge for replacing it with labor. After D gets this email he is pretty pissed off because he didn't have shit to do with it and actually suggested otherwise. So, he talks to E and he agrees with him. A few days later, D gently tells F that next time he cooks something and burns it to shit with a thick cloud of smoke to compliment, that if he chooses to take out the alarm instead of doing what your supposed to do by calling CPS to remove and disarm it, he should be responsible and put the alarm back promptly to avoid the "stupidity" of anything happening to it. F, being the immature asian he is, goes off and takes the whole statement personally saying that D is "treating him like his mother." F says that the fact they're all getting charged is because A, B, or C moved the alarm from spot X to make room for beer pong or something stupid of that sort. D tells F that he was the one responsible for putting the alarm back because HE took it out. No matter what happens to it, D believes that F was responsible for it because he took it out of its original position on the EFFING ceiling. D also says admits, sure if you think about it, we're all responsible because its all our house. However, primary responsibility rests with F because he took the alarm OUT. To conclude, F negates saying that he is innocent displacing blame to others while being immature and personally attacking D for no reason, except to boost his own ego. D affirms that they all now have to pay for the charges, but suggests that next time F takes out the alarm he should put it back. At this point you can guess that F does stand for douche in this case.

So, what do you think?

Is D right? or is F right? OR is it the fault of A, B, C?

Lemme know what you think, and if you have questions let me know. I'll enlighten you on the situation.

God is love

winter break in pictures

2007-12-30T17:37:00.000-08:00

My family at our normal Christmas eve service at our church. And yes, I got hit on again except this time I was wearing the SICK shirt and AMAZING tie. I have to give props to Sam for helping me pick it out and making all those girls nervous around me. Thanks.

The annual cool brother picture.

And the highlight of Christmas was the reaction from my dad, who's face in this picture is PRICELESS, and the reaction from my mother, obvious crying after the "is this for real?" face in this picture, after my brother and I bought our parents a new LCD HD flat screen Panasonic TV for Christmas. It's pretty amazing. Especially with video games:)

More later.

My Night on the Town

2007-12-07T23:41:00.000-08:00

Things are good.

I am going home tomorrow at 12. I am really stoked to be back in my own house with my family. This past semester was really great. Best semester of college thus far. I am going to miss my apartment and my tv.. but they will still be there for me when i return on January 15th! So, I will be coming back early for track, and i wont be taking a winter three class, which is awesome! two weeks of focusing on running and speech. im uber stoked. As for this winter, i have one job lined up at my surf shop, but im trying to get my job at the restaraunt again. Hopefully that works out, because money makes the world go round! not really but it buys christmas presents. im really excited to be home for the holidays. Excited enough to write a list of things i want to do!!!!

-See grandparents as MUCH as possible
-Cook for my family
-Make another skate movie
-Make money for school
-Get back in touch with my roots
-Surf a lot
-Run more than 200 miles
-Watch a lot of dollar movies
-Go out to the NS again with Jerm
-Get dark

There's more. I just don't know what else at the moment.

So, for my night on the town...
Sam picked me up tonight so we could go shopping, then i could stay at his house so he could take me to the airport in the AM. He picked me up and we went back to his house for dinner and some guitar hero... and just for the record, i did beat nick at a song on medium. He got 15% and i got 20% - that's 25% more! even though we barely finished the songs! So, we ate. Then Sam and i headed out to the streets of tanasbourne. We went to a bunch of places window shopping and seeing if i could get inspired to buy christmas presents. We actually ended up buying stuff for ourselves - i got this sick baby blue dress shirt and orange/baby blue tie. It's amazing. So, we ended up in zumiez because sam had to exchange a present he bought for kevin because kevin found it - haha, lame! As sam was exchanging, one of the workers in zumiez asked me, "do you need help finding anything?" And i said, "No." and she asked me very awkwardly and nervously, "Well if you're... looking... um for a specific brand... or something. Just let me know!" and i was like, "thanks?" she was decently attractive. Not an outright tap tap, but ok. As we walked out she said bye and we said thanks. And sam turns to look inside and says, "dude, she was checking you out!" and i was like, "well, she tried talking to me vicariously through asking me for help." That was the FIRST encounter.

Then, as we walk by these weird little white kids, we pass victoria secrets or some clothing store. The alarm goes off at the entrance. Just as it goes off, probably the hottest brunette clothing store worker looks up and at me and locks in. And i totally was looking at her as soon as the alarm went off. Should have gone inside...

The best one of all was when i was in line checking out at nordstrom's rack. My sales person first, comments on the wonderful tie and shirt combo that i was purchasing. Second, asks me if i was from hawaii and to my reply continues on about how she's from there and goes to PSU and how there's a bunch of people that work in NS rack from Hawaii - she even pointed out a mean looking sales associate. Third, she continues to ramble on and on about where she lives and her family and how she's going home soon. Fourth, she asks me what year in school was I and finally wraps up her obviously flirtatious banter with, "have a nice drive home! oh, well, i mean flight since you can't drive there!" Wow... and sam just walks away in awe at my attention from the ladies tonight. What a night. More to come, from HAWAII!!!

It's Like A Fire!

2007-11-25T23:33:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for the people around you, opportunities you have been given, and everything in your life and not in it. Well, I learned a very VALUABLE lesson on Thanksgiving evening. Proceeding our wonderful festivities, my laptop hard drive broke. I, of course, freaked the hell out called my mom, whom works for Apple. She concluded I needed to take it to an Apple store. So I did the next morning. And let me tell you, Black Friday is for real! It was crazy in Portland. So, I took it to the store. The associates there concluded that my hard drive had been friend and my information was lost forever. It hit me that I lost all my music, photos, movies, papers, projects, speeches, and much much more that had been on my computer UNbacked by some alternative source.

I am starting at square one again. Luckily, my brother found a program to take the music off of my ipod so I could put it back in my iTunes. But, dear lord, I lost EVERYTHING. It was like a FIRE! It just got all burnt up. How ridiculous is that shit? So, that sucked nuts.

Other than that. I had a relaxing time during break. I got to visit some friends in St. Helens. It was great. Now, last week of school. I am so excited to go home. Last year at this time I wasn't so excited. I knew I wouldn't see my GF that much - even though the girl made me drive to her damn house at 11PM! But, now, no GF. So, very excited!!! I can't wait to see my friends back home. I can't wait to go surf again. I can't wait to run and be warm!!! I can't wait to see my doggie, Boots! I can't wait to see my mom, dad, and brother. I can't wait to see my grandma and grandpa. I missed my family so much this semester. This past week was really hard. This was the first time I was away from my family for Thanksgiving. Because last year I was in WA with my aunty. However, I thankfully didn't go this year because apparently my cousin's husband was cheating on her... and that would have been almost as awkward as the Office - without the laughs.

Running is back up again. My shins are ok. They just need to take a break every once in a while. I have a great feeling about this year. I will be going home a TAD in shape. And when I get home I can run on GRASS - THANK THE LORD FOR GRASS IN HAWAII! And my shins won't be killing me. It'll be great. And I am also looking forward to updating my ADS and PERS. Very excited to get those going. Yet, it's kind of junk because I am basically throwing away all my humor in my ADS because it was too "porno" says the hypocrite judge who probably owns a child pornography website - SOB.

Christmas is coming up. I really have no expectations. It's going to be weird. Last year at this time I was so enthralled with a certain girl. I just let time pass by. Now, I need to take advantage of all my time with my family and friends. I can't wait. What do I want for Christmas? Nothing really. I just want to be home. 4 months at school were fast, productive, slightly irritating, wonderfully beneficial, and in the past now.

I can't wait to return to my life at home. How could I leave such a environment? That is how I want to live my life - in Hawaii...

oh grades...

2007-11-19T14:33:00.000-08:00

so, i just found out i failed a test in my accounting class. This is not good...

maybe i should be more dilligent in academics? I am not a bad student either... I just, don't know.

Do i continue doing all that i am doing which spreads me thin? (RHA, xc/track, speech, classes)

or do i elminate something?

School does come first, and with all that i am doing now. It's very hard for me to do everything to the best of my abilities. The stress just hit.

woohoo life!

2007-11-06T20:20:00.000-08:00

So, here's a list of things going on with me to cut this entry quick...

1) Prepping for Linfield Forensics Tournament. Entered in DUO, ADS, and Persuasive. I am looking to get in to the finals of all of them. I am pretty confident too.

2)Track offseason practice has started and I need to get back in shape. It looks my shin has finally healed. No more slippers for me! I am just really sore after running for the past two days - mind you we ran 5 miles yesterday and 6 today, fast miles. This season looks VERY promising.

3) Since I have been so busy with speech and track AND RHA, I haven't had time to focus my energies in my classes. And i believe it's finally catching up to me. I believe I have 2 A's, a B-, and a B. However... Things might change... Which ISN'T good. But, i have no more time to devote to studying. My schedule doesn't allow it. Sad isn't it? I am really starting to get worried. But, once speech is over after this coming tournament its done for the semester so i can then focus primarily on scholastics. Oh man.

4) I have a MAJOR econ 331 Money and Banking exam tomorrow. And i have an A in that class, SO i need to keep it an A. Dammit.

5) Girls are too much trouble. I did the hooking up thing, it wasn't for me, so back to the drawing board. I just wanna be single. I am happy with how things are going now - no drama and no bullshit.

6) I miss my family a lot right now. School has 4 more weeks left then i'll be home! I can't wait! It'll be an amazing christmas break. I really miss my grandparents. They are going through a lot right now with my grandpa home from the hospital finally. I hope he's doing better. I hope he still remembers me. Sometimes i think he may have forgotten...

7) I am starting to think of things i'd like for christmas... hmmm Xbox 360 games? clothes? New track spikes? new ipod? new dress shirts/ties? safeway gift card? ill think of some more later!!!

That was a good entry, now wasn't it?

UGH

2007-10-10T11:08:00.000-07:00

I am pretty tired. I have been going to bed at 2-3 AM every night. I am stretched too thin right now.

Ugh, and I am getting sick.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

current state of mind

2007-09-30T21:47:00.000-07:00

state of mind: confused, very confused.

running: getting healthy.

Speech: coming along

school: eek.

New things: i have an xbox 360 with halo 3 yaay!

its that time again

2007-09-18T00:16:00.000-07:00

so, my shins are hurting again. and i don't think ill be finishing this season of xc. it doesn't look good. i don't think i should be taking 4 pills of ibroprofen before i run just to stop the pain. maybe, i just wasn't meant to run?

bleh

And They're Off!

2007-09-09T01:25:00.000-07:00

School is now in full swing and classes, speech, RHA, and xc are ridiculously making me busy.

Things I need to do this week:
1) Being writing my speeches (ADS, PERS)
2) Do RHA stuff, bleh
3) DO my homework instead of not doing it
4) Go to class instead of watching episodes of 24
5) Run my ass off so i can break 30 on saturday!
6) Get food stamps on thursday
7) Work for workstudy before PU cuts it, bastards
8) Hang out with girls #1, #2, #3, and #4 =D
9) Talk to my brother
10) Talk to my family including my grandma
11) Don't drink until after my meet
12) Don't get in any trouble with the women!

I needed to remind myself of what's going on by making a to-do list.

ok bye!

I and I

2007-08-15T02:10:00.000-07:00

So, i visited my grandpa the other day. He's doing a lot better. He's starting to eat on his own, well they're helping him with that AND he's trying to stand a lot - it's bad and good because he isn't capable of it yet, but he's gaining motor skills and motion back. He looks a lot better... but, the other day i was thinking of times when my grandpa was normal, and im just sad. I miss my old grandpa, he was so amazing. I took him for granted. And i never want to do that again. And now, im scared since im going back to school that if something else happens to him or to my grandma... what would i do?

I don't know... Let's not think of that though.

Other than that, running has been going ok. I am in shape. I just need to get up to school for it to be steady. I am ready for speech to start up. Stoked to be living in my new apartment. I have gotten pretty real again. Im stoked for it. I haven't gone out a lot but ive been raking in the dough - and a picture of my hooker suit is coming so simmer down S.A.M. Anyways, i have a lot of money and i am ready for next year.

Memories still linger in my thoughts. However, they are only that - memories. Memories never fade. You can't run from them.

SOOOOOOooooo, i am ready for whatever God has in store for me next. Bring it on.

kick push, kick push, coast

2007-08-02T01:23:00.000-07:00

So, i have a total of 3 skateboards now.

#1 "Old Faithful" - Yellow Blind skate deck with risers and 66mm sector 9 wheels.

#2 "Tudor" - Joel Tudor signiture edition sector 9 custom.

#3 "Da Kine" - Old Birdhouse deck with risers, 60mm hard wheels, and Kalani Robb Custom-cut Surf Deck Pad.

The #3 board is sick. You HAVE to see it when i come back up. My boss and I did a custom job on it. We probably have the only two in existence. And the Tudor board is excellant for skate parks. I have been practicing my power sliding and "Lords of Dogtown" tricks. See you Oregonians SOON!

I have been so unmotivated to run lately, because i work at 6am, come home at 2-3 and take a nap, then run OR go out. And, since im leaving soon i want to go out more now - bleh!

I realized I am gonna be WAY too busy next semester... i may have to not work for RHA next semester. It may be too much for me to handle. I could work for my cross country coach at his new bar in Fo Gro. It'll be interesting.

And im interested to see how my room will work out. It seems like it'll be a little harder than I thought. My roommates are very different, although we're all friends... So we'll see. I probably won't room with them next year. We'll see.

i packed this bowl for two

2007-07-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

So, summer is almost over. I am excited for being at Pacific next year. It will be amazing. I didn't realize how much cool things i was able to do there. And next year will be so much better than this past year, and that is assuring enough. I am making LOTS of money, and will continue to do so until the last week of summer. Hey, making 140 dollars in TIPS alone for one day is not too shabby. Next year I will have my own room in an apartment in Burlingham, and it'll be SICK. So, running has been great. I have ran about 250 miles this summer. I'd like to run 400 before i get to Oregon. I think i will run just under 400 by the time i get there - i am totally fine with that however. I have been surfing a lot this past week. I haven't been "going out" a lot. But, i cruise with friends when i can. Mostly: Cody, Vawn, Matt, Jeremy, Jerod, Chandara... and i have hung out with some people from Pacific that i didn't normally hang out with during school and they're pretty cool. I bought a new skateboard, it's flippin' sweet. It's primarily pink, for all you fashion people.

All in all, i am looking forward to having an AMAZING year next year. I will make it worth the money i am earning and scholarships i have received. And, I will get better grades as well.

I can't wait to get back up there!

work

2007-07-13T01:44:00.001-07:00

So, i can make at least 100 dollars in tips a day along with an 8 hour wage at 7.25. I am stoked!!! So i can make around 600 dollars in tips a week while working 40 hours. that is fucking awesome, im stoked to be working there.

Things i want to buy before i go back to school:

Surfboard
Joel Tudor Skateboard
Running Shoes

SWEET!

sorry sam for not calling you back yet. i have been working both jobs a lot lately, but shortly i won't be. im pretty stoked to go back to school though! yay!

sorry

2007-07-08T02:40:00.000-07:00

Please excuse my previous entry.

I am fine, now.

How's everyone's summer? I start my second job tomorrow, yay! I bought $100 comfortable ass Nike shoes today but got someone's employee discount at Champs because we're switching discounts, so i got the shoes for $70 - sick!

Wish me luck.

updates

2007-06-25T13:25:00.000-07:00

grandpa is doing better, still not fabulous. he's still in the hospital. it's all in God's hands.

Running was going well, but now my shin splints are coming back. and let me tell you, after the pain i go through in running to get shin splints and just stop... is fucking annoying.

I have been just working and running basically. I haven't gone out a lot lately.

I want to buy a surf board, and HEY, if i can't run than at least i can surf.

Starting an additional job at the Hilton Prince Kuhio Hotel in Waikiki this week.

BUT, i have to get my other two wisdom teeth pulled TODAY!

fuckkkkk

edit

So, i only got one tooth pulled. It turns out i have to get surgery on the other. By the end of this tirade of teeth I will have gone to the dentist THREE TIMES! Thanks you assholes.

Thanks Be To God

2007-06-16T01:46:00.000-07:00

I haven't talked to anyone about what i am about to write yet. It seems like my old self would have always told people what was going on in my life and searched for advice and guidance. Yet, now, i feel i have matured slightly in realizing somethings are personal. So, i woke up this morning to my mom telling me to wake up a little bit early. Me, being the little economist i am asked her, "why?" to which she replied, "Somethings happened." I was a bit shocked and a bit asleep. I rose to my mom approaching my bed. She told me that my only living grandfather had a stroke in the night and that he was in the hospital. It's funny because the last time i cried was over something stupid, which was months ago. Yet, i didn't cry - it felt as if water trickled down my cheeks not coming from my eyes. I didn't move. I kept my head down to hide the tears in my eyes from my mother. I never want anyone to see my cry. But it wasn't about that, it was about my grandpa. I didn't go to class this morning and waited all day at home praying and sleeping. I asked God to forgive me of all my sins and grant my grand father health and stability in his time of need. He isn't THAT old and he was always so fit and strong. I have never ever seen my grandfather in a weak position. He is the strongest person i know, along with my grandmother. I was uneasy about going to the hospital in the afternoon to see him. I was told that he was paralyzed on his right side. I didn't know whether that meant he would never receive mobility again or not. The drive to the hospital wasn't too bad. My mother, brother and I arrived. My dad had been there since 5 AM after my grandma called him. We walked in to the room and i saw my dad, cousin, and his girl friend. Then, i saw my grandpa. He looked like he was just sleeping. He was very calm and very much alive. He woke when my family came in to the room and we all gave him a hug as he waved hi to us with his left hand. He was grandpa, but not the same. My dad was very emotional, and i could tell. I feel the hardest for my grandmother who has depended on my grandpa so much and my father and uncle who are his direct sons. It was hard seeing all these strong people in my family who are so very much close to me feel emotion and weakness. I held my tears back the entire time at the hospital. I couldn't bare to see my grand father just lying in his bed and not telling jokes about stepping on barking spiders when someone would fart... or whenever i would stay over he would always ask if i wanted to watch young frankenstein. I visited my grand parents this past tuesday... I was the last one to see my grandpa normal besides my grandma. I am glad i have tried to visit them as often as possible this summer. The doctors said he is an excellant candidate for rehab and he is great and stable condition. While we were at the hospital he showed signs of getting mobility back in his right side. However, his speech and thought process has been greatly affected by the stroke. It's really scary. But, watching my grandmother tonight be so strong in looking at the positives has opened my eyes to being a stronger person in my life. She asked him, "Am i still your girl?" and my grandpa moved to kiss her. I love them both so much. I love my family. And now, i realize a few things. Family is most important. We must live strong. True love is something that is worth waiting for. Hope is a waking dream. And, God has a plan for all things. So please, if you ended up reading this entire blog. Know that i appreciate your friendship and i ask that if you are religious, please, pray for my family and my grand father Arlen Maile. Ask God to give him the strength that we all know he has to get healthy and lead our family once again. Without him, you wouldn't have ever met me.

NBA playoffs 07

2007-06-14T20:56:00.000-07:00

fuck the spurs
fuck the cavs

SUNS WILL WIN NEXT YEAR!

now mommy can quit her second job, HOLA!

2007-05-29T00:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, the title was very random all you cynical and critical people out there in blogger land. However, it happens to be a commercial that entertains me very much so. SO, i wanted to express that - ya damn right.

So it's summer. woohoo right!!! Somewhat i would respond to that. It significantly is better than being at school this past year. I don't even need to highlight the negativity that was surrounding me this past semester at Pacific. Flying back to Hawai'i was kind of surreal for me. It was strange because when i flew up to school for the first semester i had no expectations, lots of hopes, a lot of spunk, and exploring whatever opportunities that i was given. Then, i came home for winter break having competed in a lot of speech tournaments, ran part of a cross country season, made a lot of new friends, was locked in to who i was at the school (sorta), and had a girl. NOW, i was coming back home basically with nothing. Ok, that's a bit harsh. I felt like i was coming home a little bit empty handed other than a lot of experiences. This was because i didn't really get to run this past year, i wasted my time on the friends that turned out to be anything but friends to me, i gave someone my heart and life to only receive pain in return, and i became a person that i didn't ever want to be. I never wanted to hate school. But, damn, if i didn't cry that one tear on the air plane back you would never have thought of all the shit that was going on with me at school. It sucked - it was good to be back. So, it felt really empty to me. Some new friends, a new sense of self, more experiences, and renewed sense of belonging. Today, i read something that Bernice Pauahi Bishop wrote, which was addressed to me as well as the other graduating seniors in my class in high school. It read:

"...your life is before you - it will be what you choose to make it. Times will come when you will feel you are being pushed into the background. never allow this to happen - stand always on your own foundation. But you will have to make that foundation. There will come times when to make this stand will be difficult, especially to you of Hawaiian birth; but conquer you can - if you will. Aloha, Pauahi." Princess Bernice Pauahi Bishop, founder of the Kamehameha Schools

After reading this i realized something that i didn't list as an expectation when i was going to college for the first time. I am Hawaiian and must carry myself accordingly. I have had many opportunities to do well, and the princess invested in me. I must make her proud. She gave me the best high school education i could have received and she provided a way for me to achieve much more in at a higher level of education. For this, i remain FOREVER endebted to her. Therefore, as she asks, i must strive to become an industrious man of Hawai'i not only for my family, future, and self but for the princess and all of Hawai'i. Not because it is the proper thing to do, but because she and Hawai'i has asked me to by giving me so many opportunities to do so; to make a difference, to create a foundation, but above all to conquer in the foregrounds not the background. I realize now, if it wasn't for the princess and the high school i attended i wouldn't have experienced all the joy and pain i generated my first year at Pacific University. So, now, what does this all mean? It's plain to see - I must conduct my actions according to the proper path of God and symmetric to the wishes of the princess. Not for me, but for them. This past year, i forgot about that. I sinned in doing so. I forgot who i was. I never stood for myself. I let myself get pushed into the background when that isn't where i belong. I am not nothing. I am special, because people have invested much in to me - I must remember this and rise to the occasion. I am Hawaiian, i am a child of pauahi's good grace, i am a child of God, and I am David Andrew Dunkin Maile - no thing or one ought to make me forget that.

SUMMER!!!!! chee hee, im sure some of you have heard people screaming that - NO, chanting that saying in the quad of Pacific. It's just slang for, "sweet" or "sick" but the point is summer is CHEE HEE. Ok, so that didn't really work out properly, but slang and pidgin english is hard to be used legitimately in a proper sentence since by nature and definition they aren't legitimate - but, whatever. I didn't start working yet so it actually has been somewhat boring. So far, i have ran a little bit - i am trying to get back in to training without re-injuring my shins, which i did get an x-ray last week and i will find out if i have any big problems with them. I have gone to the beach kind of a lot. I am pretty dark so far, but i can get darker for sure! I have seen a lot of my friends, mainly because i went to my high school's graduation last night and saw a million people i knew. It was REALLY nice though, it reminded me that i am me, not the guy that was at Pacific this past year named David Maile. I haven't bought too much. I bought a new pair of sick RVCA boardshorts and a new Hurley tank top. A lot has changed at my home. My family hasn't changed too significantly, which is nice. I recently cleaned my room a lot - i started by moving my desk around, cleaning the desk, cleaning my dresser, and finally my closet that has been the most disgusting thing in my room, and there aren't many of thos - joke, i josh i josh. It took a long time, but it looks dandy and i have 3 bags of trash to prove it. I found a lot of old things. Such as pictures, baseballs, clothes, and other things. It was kind of cool. It was like opening up a time capsule. I found some pictures of current Pacific classmates in old times - it's quite funny. So, my room is pretty clean with the exception of my clothes dresser that is jam packed full of clothes... ugh. I have too many clothes that i don't need or don't use. But, i keep giving more clothes away! So what's the problem??? I know, my dad constantly gives me shirts and i constantly buy clothes... dilemma solved - stop buying clothes. Solution, but not solved. Get it? Anyways, it was funny because at graduation i saw my friend Lacey Chong, whom is coming to Pacific next year and is a very close friend of mine, and her parents stopped to talk story with me. It was nice because they were telling me how i was a part of them deciding to send Lacey to Pacific. I assured them that i would take care of her, because i like taking care of people and Lacey is a dear friend of mine whom i wish for the best and i will try my best to make sure things go well for her and she doesn't regret coming to Pacific and can focus on being the best Hawaiian she can be. I like these types of responsibility, it gives me purpose - what can i say, i like responsibility. It keeps me busy with someone else. I like interaction and i like being responsible - besides taking the trash out, damn when did that get so annoying... I know, since i've been HOME! Hah. Another interesting thing is that my brother has a girl friend. Now i know what you're thinking, "So?" SOOOOO, i just went through the hells of girl friend-life. How do you think i am going to respond with my own flesh and blood having one? I personally think relationships are destined for negativity, but it's how you overcome it that determines compatability. Ostensibly, i think this girl of his is potentially going to create hell for my brother and i frown upon that possible outcome. Thus, i DON'T want Daniel, my brother, to rush in to being vulnerable in any way. Because vulnerability has the potential to destroy people. I do not want him to go through what i went through. If that did happen to him, it would be hard for me to do anything for him. So, i wish to avoid that situation all together. But yes, she makes him happy - for now. But, what happens when they start to argue and she gets bored, and blah blah... What then? Are you prepared? I hope so. Cause, i experienced the shit of that unpreparedness that the opposite of the relationship goes through, and let me tell you, it can kiss my left nut. So yeah. That's interesting. Whatever, it isn't my business about his relationship - it is my business to make sure bad isn't in my brother and family's life. End of story. Love, i don't give a baker's fuck about it. Love is like a douche, it cleans only to be defiled once again. That is a David Maile original ladies and gentlemen...

Things have been going rather swell since i have been home - significantly better than up at Pacific last semester. It was literally hell, i won't lie. I went through some shit i would never have ever wanted to go through.

I am looking forward to going to summer school this week - i am taking Hawaiian 101 and hopefully testing out of it so i don't have to constantly be waking up at 8 AM and not going out the night before, whew. I have been hanging out with a lot of girls lately, and it's only been a week and half since i've been home. CHEE HEE. I still need to hang out with more of my friends from high school though, i miss them greatly. But, there's lots of time for that. My goal for this summer is to be busy! I need another job other than working at T and C. I NEED to get that job at the summer camp again so i can make money! I need a car next year, and i like things. SOOO, i need money!!! Other than that, things are lickety split...

What a long entry, i wonder if anyone reads these anymore? We'll see!

This is a picture of me and my friend Natalie from her graduation, aren't i much darker than when i was in Oregon? OH YEAHHH! Ok, shoots k-den brah CHEE HUUU bumbye

ALOHA!

Stormy Waters by Tango

2007-05-06T21:29:00.000-07:00

Walking through the brush with extreme aspiration,
Testing the waters in order to develop security,
Measuring the wind and current with a certain connotation,
Requesting for an immense feeling of maturity.

Through the brush it seemed quite clear,
Yet the waters weren't quite fit for a seasoned sailor's cap,
Wind and current ordered the compass's erratic position out of fear,
Casting too quickly had ultimately taken the ship's wood out of it's sap.

Out on the open seas cast away where no man could be saved,
Left without a life line to preserve his difference,
Faced with the dispute whether to be hopeful or scathed,
Fallen to the great white shark of diffidence.

Now the fine sailor has a dissimilarly fine choice,
He must decide his fate in the matter of this great treason,
Rather to be anchored in supreme feeling or politely hoist,
Or ought he concede to God's leviathan reason?

Hawai'i Nei

2007-05-02T17:56:00.000-07:00

These are pictures taken from my house. I have this to look forward to in 14 days exactly.

And my wonderful family that i miss so much right now.

It's been a great past 5 years.

Hope is a waking dream.

I mua, forward.

Spring Semester Summarizing Word: Smile

2007-04-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

dictionary.com says, or states since an internet web site can't speak, "Smile: (v) to assume a facial expression indicating pleasure, favor, or amusement, but sometimes derision or scorn, characterized by an upturning of the corners of the mouth."

This last semester of my first year of college was extremely different from the first semester of college here at Pacific University. In order to truly understand my college experience, more specifically Spring semester, we must understand a smile. According to the definition given by some jackass from dictionary.com. So, looking back to the definition, it is easily understood that a smile can be positive or negative. This is exactly how i would like to summarize this final semester of freshmen year of college - as a smile, good and bad. So, first let's look to all the good things of this semester that made the dorky, douche, dad at dictionary DOT com write the positives of the word smile. Then, let's get stuck in a snow storm and understand by looking in mirrors and a hotel in Utah why smile's negative context was present in this semester as well.

I returned to Oregon on the first of January. I got to stay at Sam's house for a day or two because i couldn't be let in to the dorms that early. That was the first time i met Sam's amazing and perfect family. That made me smile. Then, i went back to school for the Winter term. It was pretty fun seeings how i only had one class and it was terribly easy. I took Intro to Classical Music with Seliger, she's the shit. It WAS fun cruising with Nick and Mo, until they turned all faggy and getting weird. So, i didn't want to hang out with them. Then Jaime came back from Hawai'i. I got the best birthday present, she came back to Oregon two days before she was supposed to in order to surprise me. The whole time she was in Hawai'i and i was in Oregon, Jaime and i got so close. We talked about everything. She would tell me the nicest things, and i would reciprocate. We talked about marriage... we talked about everything. It was great. Then, she came back... and the first day all of our other friends came back, i realized a change. The smile on my face was falling off. So, our relationship regressively got worse. So, then all the bad shit starts to happen between us. I hate everything that happened. She grows apart from me, while i try to fix everything. There was nothing to fix in the first place though apparently.

The old smile i had was indicating pleasure and happiness. However, the smile i currently give indicate more scorn. I realized as of late, that i should never have felt bad for what had happened. It wasn't my fault. It was her fault. I gave her everything and she broke my heart. I continued to push to get her back, and she broke my heart more. She would treat me like shit. Now, it's over. There is no way i want her back ever. I see her for who she truly is - no one else does. So i am mad at her, i don't love her anymore. I will never take her back, ever. I don't know if i want her to be my friend. She caused me so much pain, after all i did was love her. I don't know about you, but i'd choose against being with someone of those characteristics. So now, when i see her. I don't give her a real smile if i even address the fact that she's there. Tonight at dinner, all i did was walk in to the food area, and she walks right in front of me. She gives me a little wave and all i do is give a quick look and then a look away with a half-ass smile. But, the smile was of scorn. I shouldn't have even given that to her. I don't even want to see her anymore. Everytime i see her i just feel so much anger. It's ridiculous. I want to just tell her all the shit she lied to me about, how she made me feel less than shit when i was so nice to her, how she didn't even think about me when she broke up with me... but no. I will save it. I don't know. Could i have her as a friend or not. I hate losing "friends" but she never wanted to be my friend afterwards... friends don't ignore each other or act like how she treated me. She'll be here next year too. What do i do then? I don't know. I wish i could end this hate. Right now, i don't want to forgive her. I am not ready for that. I will eventually however. But, i don't want it to always be like this. I don't know how this feeling will end. I hope it does. She acts so nice and happy now, it makes me sick. I don't know if she's an evil bitch who knew everything she was doing to me, or if she is a confused immature girl who doesn't know what she wants. One side, she gives me the happy smile, while on the other she gives me the scornful smile. I just wish i knew the truth. She lied so much to me... I just want the truth. I could have closure with honesty. And it's funny, i always told her to be honest with me, and i was with her, but she wasn't with me. I see how it is.

It really is true what they say, you can never judge a book by its cover. Or in this case, you can't judge a smile by the person. My smile now is laced with hatred, while Jaime's smile... i will never know the meaning.

I hope the guy writing definition's for dictionary.com can help me to figure this hatred and her smile out so i can finally be at rest from it all, not wanting her back, not hating her, but just be normal.

Hopefully, this will be the last post i ever include Jaime. We'll see.

Ephiphany!

2007-04-26T12:23:00.000-07:00

So, i finally realize the truth. Thanks to someone. I am moving on. She can kiss my left nut, figuratively only.

new news

2007-04-24T00:04:00.000-07:00

fuck the bad, keep the faith, turn on the charm, and hope for the future.

happy

2007-04-16T14:35:00.000-07:00

Happy things:

1.) Hawai'i in exactly 4 weeks

2.) Starting cross country training

3.) Possibly taking Hawaiian language in summer

4.) Buying a book to read, "Faking It"

5.) Lu'au is over

6.) New longing to learn to play the ukulele and guitar

7.) Anticipating my possible RHA job

8.) My phone rocks because i figured out how to put pictures and music from my computer on it

9.) I have many opportunities...

I leave you with some lyrics that exemplify my current state of randomness, curiosity, and interest:

Garden Grove by Sublime

We took this trip to Garden Grove
It smelled like Lou-dog inside the van, oh yeah
This ain't no funky reggae party, $5 at the door
It gets so real sometimes, who wrote my rhyme
I got the microwave, got the VCR
I got the deuce-deuce in the trunk of my car, oh yeah

If you only knew all the love that I found
It's hard to keep my soul on the ground
You're a fool, don't fuck around with my dog
All that I can see I steal, I fill up my garage

Cause in my mind
Music from Jamaica, all the love that I found
Pull over there's a reason why my soul's unsound

It's you
It's that shit stuck under my shoe
It's that smell inside the van
It's my bed sheet covered with sand
Sitting through a shitty band
Getting dog shit on my hands
Getting hassled by the man

Waking up to an alarm
Sticking needles in your arm
Picking up trash on a freeway
Feeling depressed everyday
Leaving without making a sound
Picking my dog up at the pound
Living in a tweaker pad
Getting yelled at by my dad

Saying I'm happy when I'm not
Finding roaches in the pot
All these things I do
They're waiting for you.

this is ridiculous

2007-04-15T05:06:00.000-07:00

i wish people would just grow up and stop being so damn immature. i dont know whether im sad, mad, or indifferent. this is ridiculous. i hate this feeling...

words of wisdom

2007-04-13T15:31:00.000-07:00

Falling - Keahiwai

I wanna tell you baby
You're the one that Im thinking of
But your heart is still with her
And I think she's the one that you love
I only want you happy
Even if it's not with me
Maybe one day
You'll open up your eyes and you'll see

That I think Im falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yeah I think Im falling
Baby Im falling for you

From the first time
You laid your lips on mine
It feels like the smile on my face
Will last till the end of time
But Im not so sure
That you're the one that I should pursue
My mind tells me no
But my heart only says that it's you

Only time will tell
The mystery has yet to unfold
Who's gonna feel love's warmth
And the other left in the cold

Yet still I'm falling
Maybe im falling for you
yeah I think Im falling
Baby I'm falling for you
That I think Im falling
Maybe I'm falling for you
yeah I think Im falling
Baby Im falling for you

Love you forever - Opihi Pickers

First time I saw you
you captured my heart
first time I saw you
you knew I loved you from the start

I'll love you forever
even after the stars stop shining down on me
I'll love you forever
I don't know what I'd do without you, cause I love you
I love you forever

If things don't work out
the way we planned
I will always love you
and I hope you understand
If you think that I'm crazy
I'm only crazy about you
finding you is the best thing
that ever happened to me

I'll love you forever
even after the stars stop shining down on me
I'll love you forever
I don't know what I'd do without you, cause I love you
I love you forever...

current state

2007-04-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

so, currently, i am not happy. Because i am in oregon, i can't see my family, i have to practice for luau, i have ass loads of homework, and... things aren't going my way. It's funny, because i surprised at my luck in the beginning of the year, and how everything was GREAT! And now... things aren't the way i wished they were. But then again, some things put everything in to perspective. My life isn't horrible, i know this. But, things could be better. Y'know? So, i miss home and i miss being missed.

Minne-freakin'-sota

2007-04-07T19:42:00.000-07:00

So, im in Mankato Minnesota currently. It feels like i've been here for a week or something. We got in to our hotel in Mankato on thursday night, and today is saturday. Wow, well, technically we have been here for a while. Well, it does seem like longer. So, thursday was cool we had a very uncomfortable ride although, and ate at this cool burger place, i don't remember what it was called. Then, we just did nothing and practiced all day on friday. It was a very relaxing day, we just did whatever basically. It was fun. Then, we woke up EARLY on saturday to compete at the NIET or National Individual Events Tournament where i would be competing in Duo and ADS. I was pretty confident about both, i knew i wasn't going to win anything, but maybe do well in something. So, Duo went great both rounds. Ads, to me, went well. However, i didn't get the same reaction from other people in the rounds. Oh well. So, now i am sitting here, on my bed in the hotel, just kind of thinking - many things are going through my mind right now, i don't even need to say what they are.

I will post a post-nats entry as well, maybe another in-nats entry too...

We'll C.

and then?

2007-04-03T18:26:00.001-07:00

Minnesota in 2 days. Who's stoked? I AM!

before, and now

2007-04-02T15:13:00.000-07:00

So, im gonna be so busy these next two weeks... speech nationals, which will be so much fun, and luau are the big things that are coming up, and i am an MC for luau so i will have to do some stuff for that, ugh.

so, im feeling better about jaime. it's still hard as you know. what can i say, i miss the good times of being there for one another more than just friends.

im trying to focus on other things right now... i really want things to improve though.. this is ridiculous.

working out

2007-03-26T19:52:00.000-07:00

things are starting to work out... i talked to her. we're both sorry, i meant a lot to her from what she told me, and she meant a lot to me. and she was just mad over something. hopefully, we'll be friends.

we'll see

uh ok

2007-03-26T14:32:00.000-07:00

So, in a few minutes ill be able to share my mind with someone... yeah, i know i shouldn't or whatever. but i am going to, not for her, not for us, but for me... so i can overcome all this. i know this is gonna be good for me. i can't stand this feeling i get from her, being like some little shit... fuck that. well, if anything... i can't feel worse! she's already made me feel like the worst ive ever felt in my life... when i see her... i just stop whatever im doing... and things flash before my eyes... and i dont know what to make of them, whether they're good or bad. i think of all the good times we shared and all the bad times as well. but, whenever i see her... i dont know exactly what happens to me. i am getting over her, but i just dont like feeling like someone in the world REALLY hates me... it's not a nice feeling. so, after today, we'll see how it works. and if she lies again, and doesn't do what she told me she would, then, that's fucked up. and she's not even worth it. now, that i think of it, after everything that's been going on the past couple weeks. why am i even doing this? why do i even need to talk to her. she's the wrong one. she's the one being immature and being mean to me. but then again, i still feel bad. i need to do this to ease my pain... i know exactly what she's saying about me though... and i even saw some of it, and ill tell you what, it felt like shit to see that written down... she makes me feel like the past 6+ months together were NOTHING. i just need to know if that's true or not. i need to know if she wants to be my friend or not, cause if she doesn't then, i shouldn't worry. but as a friend, this is gay, because she's being all pissed off at me, for what? i dont know. So, i need to find out. Man, i didn't want it to be this way, but i needed to say something. i am not going to be me about it. but i just want clarification. uh.... fuck.

whatever.r..r.rr.r..rr

The End

2007-03-18T14:31:00.000-07:00

so, we're not together nor on a break... well maybe you could perceive this as a permanent break, with a chance. I talked to her last night just to find out was going on with her, and it didn't turn out well. She took things wrongly and it errupted. So, she felt pressured and now we're JUST friends, we want to be best friends to each other, and i think for now... that's good. She wouldn't have been satisfied, i could tell. She was so bent on the fact that we weren't friends before we went out, and we went out too fast. So, now we can be friends. And this is my chance, actually. We can get closer as friends and decide which together is better for us, being together as a couple or as good friends. I just want one of the two, not neither, and neither was what i was getting in the past 2 weeks. Damn, this sucks though, i don't think i've cried this much in my life. I almost couldn't cry after a while, it just wouldn't come out anymore... ugh, it makes me sick when i think about how we used to tell eachother that we were perfect for one another. I wish i could rewind the clock. I went to church today, and i couldn't stop thinking about her. It was good that i was there and was in the presence of God. I wish Jaime was there with me. She would have liked it, i think she'll like that church, maybe i can get her to go with me from now on... maybe i can still go to church with her when we go back home... i just don't want to lose contact with her. This is my chance to make everything better, to be happy, to make her happy too. I dont like seeing her in pain like i did last night, crying because she didn't know what was going on and i hate seeing her mad and i dont want that to be anymore... so us being best friends for now is good. we can be friends, and see what that gets us... i still lover her, and i always will. This is my chance, i want to be her friend... and then see which i like better... and see how God wants things to go... Jaime, i am sorry for making you feel so horribly... i feel horrible. I hate seeing you like how you were last night... it kills me. let's stop making each other feel this way, let's make each other feel good now. how about that? so, i hope she'll be my friend, i hope she'll call me to tell me how she did at tennis, i hope she'll teach me to play tennis, i hope that we'll hang out a lot now, i hope that we'll still celebrate the 28th of each month, because to me it's extremely important, i hope that she won't forget about me good or bad, i hope she doesn't never want to see me, i hope she loves me anyway, i don't know what life has in store for me. I thought i could share as much as i wanted with her, i still can now, just in a different way then i was planning. And maybe things will work out for the better in the end, whatever way that could be. I just don't want to be away from her. She is my world. I will never not think about her beautiful smile, her funny laugh, her sad face, her miho face, her soft cheeks, her soft small hands, her asian eyes, and her. I love her, always and forever.

it's a start

2007-03-13T16:43:00.000-07:00

so the plan...

give her space
show her how i care
flirt not cling
give her space
check up on her
have fun
don't dwell
make her want me again

the key to a happy ending? let's see

You Have the Keys

2007-03-08T18:27:00.000-08:00

I know what i did was wrong,
I was just trying to make us strong,
Apparently, everything i did made this happen,
But i am very glad you were always there for me as my captain,
I messed up,
And now all i want to do is show you that i'll make it up,
I have changed,
I want everything to be rearranged,
Jaime, you mean the world to me,
My heart is all locked up and you have the keys,
I want to be perfect for you again,
You've always kept me sane in the end,
Now, all i want to do is make you happy,
I am sorry this sounds so sappy,
but, you make me so so happy,
So, give me one more shot,
To make you feel like the fish that i caught. (inside joke)

RIP 2/23/05

2007-02-23T15:56:00.000-08:00

Two years ago to this day, my intelligent beautiful grandmother Betty ascended to Heaven with God. I love her very much. Everything i do, i do to make her as well as others proud. I will never forget her, she will always remain in my heart, forever. I will see her in Heaven.

I love you Cooks.

update on the running

2007-02-19T22:03:00.000-08:00

im out for the season, no track this year.

running

2007-02-15T23:59:00.000-08:00

so i may have a stress fracture, a hair-line fracture in a bone because of overuse, in my left shin. This could end my track season. I am pretty pissed.

Valentines

2007-02-14T14:45:00.000-08:00

So today is that day again, except this time around i have a for sure valentines! yay! it was fun figuring all the details of her presents out and being secretive. I liked it, loved it even. So, it's almost over and her final surprise is minutes away from being delivered. I hope she enjoyed herself this day. There were many surprises for her and they were all pretty darn cool if i do say so myself.

On a different note, the speech tournament at OSU went basicaly well. I came in 4th in ADS and 2nd in DUO. So since there will basically be no competition at the district tournament, i should qualify for at least duo there. That should be good, i only go in one event that would be ok. I just want to go.

So im still biking and not running because im going to see the doctor tomorrow to perhaps receive a bone scan for my shin to check if i have a stress fracturing or anything of the sort. So, biking and doing abs is what it has to be.

A lot of reading and homework for me now adays.

I basically miss my home and family a lot now. I have been here for a month and a half and i wish i was at home right at this very moment.

I have no money and am spending lots of it. Well, for correctness, i have money, but i am Chinese - which mean that i dont like to spend money but i like stuff.

We have a playoff intramural basketball game tonight against a bunch of douche bags that are good. I am gonna try my hardest, unless my shin hurts, if so i can't which really sucks, because if i dont play well, our team will suffer. we'll see how that goes...

and the rest... we'll see too.

Speech, Rain, and Corvalis

2007-02-10T12:27:00.000-08:00

Currently i am in Corvalis for a forensics tournament at Oregon State University. This past week has been pretty hectic and a little frustrating. Some things that i would like to discuss include: running issues, speech issues, friends/girl friend issues, and lastly some personal issues. But before i start, i just want to sa that i am really tired. Of what? i am not entirely sure. Bzut i just feel tired and drained of all of me. So, to start:

Running issues. So, lately i've been training for track and it's been going extremely well. I am getting back in shape and feeling good about it. The thing i love about running, is that it makes me feel good. I can run and afterwards i feel wonderful. So, on Wednesday i had to run a 2-mile time trial with Sergio. Now, i didn't do that well, and it was partly because my shins hurt and partly because i hadn't done a speed workout in a long time. So, i ran it in 11:47. Not that great. So, we had the day off proceeding the workout. Afterwards, my shins started hurting a lot! So, yesterday i went for a 25-minute run and my shins hurt like hell. I proceeded to tell my coach about my soreness and he told me that, "I should take some time off." Initially, people would believe that's good. However, more time off, means more out of shape i get. This is bad. So i am not sure if i'll be running track or not. Hopefully, i can work things out, we'll just have to wait and see.

Speech issues. So, im at OSU right now for a forensics tournament. It's always an interesting experience to go out with the forensics team. There's so many different clashing going on. It's crazy! But i like it. I am currently sitting in a Mexican food joint using the internet waiting for my following round. I am just tired of doing the same speeches. I can't wait till next year where i know what to do, and how to do it well. That's what i need. I am not sure if i reall want to go to nationals. So, there's a lot of opportunities for me with forensics. It is excellant for me. It causes me stress, but not overwhelming amounts of it. It's good.

Friends/girl friend issues. Supposedly, i've been moping around being an emo person. The thing my friends have to understand is that i am a happy person but i need some "me" time. And i act somewhat sad but that's just me being me. People have been allegedly complaining about me being the way i am. I take extreme offense to that. If someone wants to know something about me, just ask, don't ask my girl friend. That's just silly. So, i am trying to be a little different for others. I am not going to act normal really, i will be putting up a facade sometimes, like other people. You see i am not the kind of person to be fake. I act how i feel. I think people should be like that, otherwise you are untrue to yourself. So anyways, i wish my friends would just accept who i am and not critique me on it. But, i have to live and learn. So i will. Another issue, my girl friend lately has been "confused" by me. She doesn't know how to act because i am always sad. However, i told her that sometimes i get sad or mad because she acts differently around me than when she's with her friends. Wouldn't that make you mad? I just want her to be herself around me, not some other person. She claims it's hard for her. I am, and have been, the one who does everything for her. And, why can't she just help me. She doesn't accept the way i am. All she has to do is act normal around me, but when she starts being awkward around me, it turns into a conflict. Does this mean something bad about our relationship? I am not very good at all this because i have only been in the game for a little while. But, it always seems like i am doing most of the work. I like my friends - I love her, and i hope she loves me...

Other issues. I just hope she feels the way i feel about her. I feel like im putting out more than im getting. I need some reciprocation in this relationship, if i dont start to feel any, i dont know what i'll have to do. I love her though. I never loved any girl more than i do her. I keep thinking about her, and what she said to me as well as how i can make her love me more. So all in all, i care for her. I saw a bunch of pictures of me at home in Hawaii for winter break and i just felt really sad. I want to go back home as soon as i can, the things that are going for me here in oregon are turning sour. I just want everything to be ok. I worry about everything, and that is the key to my sadness and how people perceive me. So, i just want everything to be good and ok.

new update? please.

2007-02-05T14:54:00.000-08:00

SO, i am too busy to update really well right now. Some future events for me:

Today:
Intramural Basketball game @ 8PM
Track Practice @ 4:30PM

Friday:
Speech tournament at OSU

Yay!

I am so tired already.. bleh.

I need a break.

Bad Times

2007-01-30T00:54:00.000-08:00

So, this past weekend was pretty shitty to say the least. Let's start off with a recap: I had my birthday, speech tournament, and no school. So what went wrong: birthday and speech - the no school was great. I ha high expectations for this past weekend, well they weren't too high, and it jinxed me. Oh boy did it. The biggest plus was that my girl friend came back from Hawaii to school, and that was a big surprise for me. That was awesome. However, the weekend itself was one of the worst ever.

So, the speech tournament started it all off and i thought it was going great. I was participating in Duo and ADS and im glad no IS or EXT. Not that i dont like it, i just didn't want to do it then. So, i didn't do perfectly in all my events but i know i did quite well. In duo, josh and i were raking up the competition we faced. In ADS i was knocking and putting down EVERYONE i heard speak in my rooms. I even made fun of David Kubota's mom and their video camera! Kiss my left nut David! You give my name a bad name. That was a weird sentence. Anyways, so it came down to breaks and i had broken in both my events - i kind of suspected i would, i did a very good job in them. Yet, i still knew there were things i should have done better. Now that i think of it, i really need to run my ADS more, in each of my rounds i noticed one mix up. And in the final round i had a big one. Although, it wasn't that killer enough to get ranked LAST! oh good lord no. So, DUO came and we did a hell of a job.

Awards time: ADS - 6th, and DUO - 5th. Son of a bitch, could this be true? Dear lord, i couldn't believe it. I got fucked over... My nationals bid got fucked over. Thanks a lot you know-nothing-dumbass-fall-for-stupid-LSD-trip-scripts-that-make-no-fucking-sense judges! AND to the BITCHES in my ADS final round - how in fucking hell could David Kubota's ADS win????? Dear LORD! HE IS SHITTY! AND SO IS HIS SPEECH! So, i got "shafted" in speech this weekend.

To top it off, saturday was my birthday and it was gay. First, because i wasn't home. Second, because i was participating in a worthless speech tournament that amounted to... shit. Third, i didn't really celebrate my birthday AT ALL - except for the few people who sang to me that night, thanks speech family. Fourth, i wanted something more.

So, all in all, im looking forward to the future. New classes, old friends. And more problems. But that's for another day.

Birthday Weekend

2007-01-26T00:19:00.000-08:00

Friday: Pacific Forensics Tournament (Part 1) - Goal: Get a 1 or 2 leg in Duo and at least a 2 in ADS.

Saturday: Pacific Forensics Tournament (Part 2) & Birthday - Goal: Relax.

Sunday: Rest day.

So, we'll see how everything works.
Hopefully there will be no immaturity, lots of plaques, fun memories, enough running, no sickness, figuring out of "things," and having fun. Thanks.

Wasting away!

2007-01-21T18:44:00.000-08:00

So, this is gonna be a quick post because that presentation that i was talking about is tomorrow, and i wanna kick some ass and chew some gum, but im all out of gum. So anyways, i was just thinking as i was writing some things down for my presentation... everything is going by very quickly. It was just 3 weeks ago when i came back to this cold and meloncholy place. There are a lot of good and fun things going on here, but it seems a lot different. I think i am becoming a little bit more indpendent... I don't hang out with a lot of people during the day just to do nothing, because im constantly doing something! For example:

My day tomorrow consists of:
Wake up - 10:00
Get ready for presentation - 10:30
Lunch - 12:00
Class - 1:00
Track practice - 4:30
Dinner - 6:00
Shower - 6:45
Practice speech/file - 7:15
Homework - 9:30
Talk to Jaime - 11:00
Sleep - 12:00

Not very health eh? No free time, and its fucking winter break.

Grr, oh well. I have been posting a lot on here. Well, i just wanted to write a quickie.

Later

Love, Marriage, and Marijauna.

2007-01-19T22:28:00.000-08:00

So, that was a pretty douche-esque title. So sue me. I am in a pretty weird mood currently. So, i am sitting in my room doing shit nothing. *sigh* Tammy definately doesn't know what love is. she, apparently, visited my room the other day - well she claimed that, ask me if i believe that whore. Well, anyways: so i was just wondering what love is? I mean, i told my girl friend the other day what love is cause she asked me, and i gave her a pretty good answer. I told her everything i was feeling towards her, especially because she isn't here with me now, she's back home. However, i still find myself pondering... "Would i marry this girl?" Hmm... i don't know the answer to that question.

I mean, the whole purpose of dating is to find your true love that you will want to spend the rest of your life with and marry correct? Well, if that's so, then would me not wanting to marry girl "X" (Hypothetically) defeat the purpose of dating her? I had a few people tell me that dating is to practice for when you truly find that person you want to be with, that was a good answer. Too bad she had just been cheated on. So, i guess what im getting at is, how do i know if i should continue a relationship with "X" or not? I mean, i am not going to end it if i think i don't want to marry her now. I recognize that i am still young, and by no means do i want to tie the knot NOW! Hell no. So, anyways. What are your thoughts? I am rambling right now because i got a knock on the door and i looked through my peep hole and saw my RA with a CPS man outside. So i slowly open the door and say, "Hey Brad!" And he says the same, except without the Brad in it, because my name is David. So, i say before Brad says anything, "I am sorry, ill turn my music down." It turned out, they were looking for an alleged victim who was smoking weed in their room in my hall way. So, i quietly came back to my blog here. So, anyways, where was I? Oh, so what are your opinions?

:-)

Classical Music

2007-01-18T19:18:00.000-08:00

Classical music is very interesting.

A 10 to 15 minute presentation by a stupid college student... very UNinteresting. Good lord.

I had to sit through 4 of 'em. I am going to make mine kick ass!!!

Preview of it:

Powerpoint
2 hand outs
DVD - clip
CD - clip
Possible game

SICK!

Come watch if you please... Monday baby! But i will be done by tomorrow, for SHO!

Second Post

2007-01-17T21:51:00.000-08:00

I dont know what to write about. Oh WAIT!

Colt Brennan, the 5th runner up to the Heisman Trophy and starting QB from the University of Hawaii, will not enter the NFL draft. He should definately not have. First, because he will be able to take Hawaii to another winning season. Second, he isn't ready for the NFL he only weighs 190 pounds. He would get knocked out! Third, he needs to be able to beat OSU to go to the NFL. Fourth, he needs to come back for his senior season for the UH fans and his receivers.

Umm, another topic. Sam's house kicks ass! I had so much fun hanging out at his house!

Favorite picture.

Thanks for the great family vacation Sam.

First Post

2007-01-14T16:55:00.001-08:00

So, i've been told to create one of these blogs. I didn't do it to copy anyone or for anyone else. I created this site to allow people to truly understand me and read my thoughts. I just thought i would put that little disclosure out there, you can accept it or not, depends on how ignorant you may be. So, i'd like to talk about some random things that are happening within my life.

Previous to now:
Life was great. I was at home and loving life. I worked a lot during the winter vacation, didn't get to do a lot of anything really - that was just great... I love my girlfriend, and i miss her a lot right now. I thought that she might be a bit tumultuous. However, i realize now, when i am without her, that i need her right now. I do love her though. Enough with that. I am starting to run again, i am getting in condition for our track season which practice starts this coming week, great. What else is there... Speech was put on hold for a little while. I am taking intro to Classical Music for winter three. It's ok. It's pretty easy. But, i felt so lame just going to class, running, and playing video games with Mo and Nick. Oh well. And, i've been playing a lot of video games.

Now:
I am currently in Austin Texas for a College forensics tournament - "When Hell Froze Over." It was extremely lame. I have a few reasons why this is true:

1.) The competition - Judges seemed to play favorites. For example, a National finalist will automatically receive a positive ranking because they have a good reputation and go to a school in that disctrict. Some of the scripts and actually performances by these competitors weren't as good as i thought they'd be.

2.) The people - The people at the tournament were basic douche bags. They didn't socialize outside their own school or disctrict. They didn't smile during rounds, they hardly laughed nor responded positively to others performances. In addition to the fact, that all the guys were either dorks or homos. The girls were stuck up bitches.

3.) The results - No one from Pacific broke at all. It was a tournament of "JUICE!" If you know what i mean. We didn't even get any positive feedback from our judges or anything. That was lame.

4.) The weather - Sucked - it rained and rained and was cold.

Other than that, things have been ok. I was getting annoyed by immature things today, but im over it actually. I just don't like being disrespected to a certain extent. When people pass that point where it's not funny anymore. I get upset and feel like im being disrespected. I really miss Jaime right now. Let's see, what else. I feel pretty fat right now seeings how i haven't ran in a couple days. I really should run tomorrow but im not going to because that would be ridiculous to run in scary-ass texas. So anyways, im done with this post. Hope you enjoyed.